Listening to: AFV
Reading: 50 shades of Grey
Playing: Borderlands 2
This is a work in progress...if I find out you steal this I will fuck you up!
Silent Nightmare: A cutting confession
The night that it all went down was dark and the skys weeped the tears of angels. Everything seemed so normal in her life. Great family, loving friends, a possible boyfriend. All the things most girls of 17 could only dream of, however all of that was a mask. A mask that she put on every morning before she went to school a mask before she even left the room. This mask covered a deep dark depression that had been hidden for more than 3 years. The night it all went down was the night that she was caught and discovered. The night that she was rushed to the hospital and eventually into the psychiatric ward of St. Klause Sanitarium for troubled teens. What was it that caused all of this...well I am so glad you ask. What caused it was a suicide attempt after having to choke down her feelings and cutting to let the pain out. Now then, lets us delve into this world, this girls mind, this place and observe how things get started. Let us start with the day it began, the events that added up to that first addictive cut.
Chapter One: The Cause
The girl sat at her desk, it final week at Her school, Jackson High, she was excited to get this last period out of the way so that she could hang out with some friends after school. She had passed all of her tests with flying colors and had no need to worry about this last one it was an easy one that would take no effort at all.
The teacher stood infront of the class room ready to take attendance so that he could sit at his desk and twiddle his thumbs while the students sat at their desks taking the tests like the good little drons that they were. He called out names one at a time the respective student replying "here" He finally reached her name. "Jessie Lionella", "Here" she piped waiting on him to finsh. This last final was going to be an easy one she knew it already.
The fat man handed out the tests one by one to the students and after he was done he droned on some more, "Alright, this is a test to see how much you have retained this whole year, it should be easy if you have taken notes and you all will know if you passed or not when report cards come out. Take your time, no need to rush. When you are finished you can return your papers to me and then leave. Have a great summer." He then walked over to the desk and ploped his large rump down getting on the computer. Probably putting in results from other classes but more than likely he was just on the internet doing nothing.
The test was relativly easy it was on United States history things that had been pounded into Jessies head since she was a child. She was able to get the test done in about half an hour. Most of the other studens were already done and had left the room. Jessie stood up and handed the test into the fat man. "Thank you so much for this year have a great Summer Mr. Laumer" She chimes before she goes back to her desk to grab her things. Mr. Laumer says nothing just a grunt as he added it to the pile of the other tests.
Jessie happily goes to her locker getting the last of her things, her roller blades, her notebooks from other classes and some posters. She was going to head home and drop her things off before she headed to the mall to meet up with her best friends. One thing that she did not know what the she would not be going to the mall today. Fate had some other not so nice things planed for her that day.
She sat on a bench fastening her blades so that she could get home faster than walking. It was a nice sunny afternoon as the sun beat down on her from high up in the sky. She was ready to get back home so that her summer could begin.
She has finshed the last buckle before she threw her backpack over her shoulder and started down the street. It was normally a 20 minute trip even on her blades.
Furthur down the road she reached an ally that was a short cut that her mother did not like her taking however Jessie wanted to get home as fast as possible so she was going to take it anyways.
The ally was dark even in bright sunlight and it gave her an errie feeling however she was still going down it. The sound of rats in the trash caught her attention as she tried to balde through it faster than before. She passed a rather large dumpster and took no mind to it as she was almost out of the ally and home free. She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she did not notice the person crouched next to it waiting for her specifially to pass.
A rough hand grasped her arm yanking roughly, the caused her to lose her balance and fall. She grunted as she hit her head on the ground. The figure hulked over her as she tried to sit up.
"Don't you make a sound, if you do i shall end you without a second through." The man growled pulling out a knife running it down her face. Jessie watcher in pure horror as he starts to pull her shirt up with a leer of a girn on his face. He pinned her down with one hand before he did the unthinkable to her. Her mind was in a blurr the whole time as he took advantage of her. She wanted to fight was to scared to fight.
After the man finihsed he zipped himslef off before running off leaving her on the ground in pure shock and pain. Tears ran down her face as she dressed herself, bruises on her wrist from where he held her.
She raced home as fast as she could tears running down her face as she had no clue what to say or do. Her mother was there to greet her but her face fell when she saw her daughters face.
"Jessie what is wrong? " She stammed looking her daughter over. "M..M..Mom some man...did things to me" Jessie cried out as she looked over to her mother not sure what eles to say for herself. Her mother looked shocked, "Oh my god we need to get you to a hospital" She gasps as she removes her coat from the rack before rushing her daughter to the car not caring that he daughter is still wearing rollerblades and not shoes.
Chapter Two: The First cut
The doctor looked her over as she told her story to the cops again after they had gotten a sample from her. "So you were in the ally when some man jummped out of the shadows and took advantage of you before running off and the only thing he told you was that if you move that he would kill you or worse. Correct?" He seemed skeptical as he listend to her. Oh Crap he is not going to belive me...he is going to tell me that I made this whole thing up. She thinks to herself before she answers, "Yes...I know I should not have gone through the ally but I wanted to get home as fast as possible so that I could go to the mall with some friends." Tears beging to well in her eyes as she tells the cop agian and agian hoping he belives her. He took some notes before leaving.
The doctor handed her a pill, "here take this, this will prevent any possible inplantation and pregnancy if you do become pregnant you can come back and get it aborted if you really want to. It is really up to you since this was not something you could have controlled. The brusing proved it." he then walks out of the room leaving her with her mother so that they can finsh a few things before the send her back home to her mother.
"What the hell were you thinking!" her mother snaps at her after hearing the story. "I told you not to enter the ally ever for this reason. This is your fault, I can not beliver you were so stupid. When you get home you are grounded for the summer or atleast untill we find out if you are knocked up or not. No if, ands, or butts about it." She then walked out of the room leaving Jessie alone in ther room.
Jessie continues to cry hodling her self close, "but...I did not bring this on me...don't balme the victum" She whispers shaking. The
The doctors come in later and tell her that she is good to go her mother left earlier and that a taxi would take her home. Jessie lowers her head as she follows the doctor out of the door and into the lobby, "I can not belive that she left me" She whispered holding her self as the took her out to the taxi and then home.
She got to the house to her mother sitting at a table reading a paper, "M..Mom" She says hoping that her mother will talk to her, instead her mother looks at her with dark unforgiving eyes before she speaks, "go to your room, I want nothing to do with you." She grunts as she continues to read a paper.
Jessie quietly goes to her room knowing that there is nothing she can do now that her Mother had made up her mind. She laid on her bed looking at the clock tears steraming down her face. "It...it..was not my fault." She whispers. She continues to cry before she finally trys to sleep.
Her sleep is not restfull as she juts up from a dream. She is shaking looking around freaking out as she thinks of the man touching her and taking advantage of her. She stumbles to the bathroom looking in the mirror tears running down her face as she can not control herself. She shakes not knowing what to do, her mother does not trust her and balmes the whole thing on her eventhought the cops told her that it was not her fualt that it could have happened to any girl.
The vocie of her mother looms in her ear telling her it was her fault. "Its not my fault" She shouts as she throws a samll mirror across the room. The mirror shatters into bits. She is shaking as her mind races thinking that she has to do this, she has to hurt herself feel the pain because it is her fault. She grabbed a bit of the mirror testing it on her fingers it was sharp all right. She looked down at her cream colored wrist, so smooth so pale not a single blemish on it. She then brought the glass across her skin, the pain was harsh but she ignored it.